When I’ve done some­thing that I know I shouldn’t have done, my typ­i­cal response has been to “feel” unwor­thy for a period of time; even after acknowl­edg­ing it was wrong. In the past, I’ve bought into the devil’s lie that penance was needed, and he would estab­lish the dura­tion. My self-punishment could last any­where from a day to a cou­ple of days. Granted, I still talked to the Lord dur­ing those times, but my con­ver­sa­tion was pref­aced with, “I know I don’t deserve to ask for Your advice, or help, but….”

Last night dur­ing my quiet time with the Lord, He reminded me of Adam and Eve and how they hid when they went against His will. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” Gen­e­sis 3:9. He was not ask­ing because He didn’t know where Adam was, but because He wanted Adam to come to Him, and the same is true today.

One of the tools the enemy used in my bouts of dis­obe­di­ence was con­dem­na­tion; he had me con­vinced the Lord was mad at me. In turn, I would walk around think­ing, “I’m a bad per­son. I’m never going to change. God has to be sick and tired of deal­ing with me.” Last night, I recalled my answer to a ques­tion… As a kid, what was worse, a whip­ping or know­ing your par­ents were dis­ap­pointed? My response has always been, “When I was a kid, I would rather a whip­ping than have my par­ents look me in the eyes and say, ‘I’m disappointed.’”

In the case of a whip­ping I would end up sulk­ing (con­dem­na­tion). “I’m a bad per­son. I’m never going to change. My par­ents must be sick and tired of deal­ing with me.” In the case of my par­ents shar­ing their dis­ap­point­ment, I would gen­uinely become apolo­getic (con­victed). “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did what I did. I want to do it dif­fer­ently, but I keep mak­ing mis­takes. I need help.”

God, who called to Adam, is the same God who calls to us, and He is the same God who saves us.

I do not under­stand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin liv­ing in me. I know that noth­ing good lives in me, that is, in my sin­ful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I can­not carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin liv­ing in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the mem­bers of my body, wag­ing war against the law of my mind and mak­ing me a pris­oner of the law of sin at work within my mem­bers. What a wretched man I am! Who will res­cue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in the sin­ful nature a slave to the law of sin. — Romans 7:15–25

God bless,

–gh ; )